For those of you who missed yesterday’s Rose Parade, fear not! I took notes.

•  Kicking things off with a bang, Kenny G played smooth jazz on a float while a lethargic floral unicorn and a sleepy clock looked on.
• Next, a Honda float showcased a Robonaut (robot astronaut). It was actually pretty badass, until you remember that it’s made entirely of flowers.
• A fighter jet flew overhead. But while it used to be at the parade just for show, this year it was in charge of destroying all “Occupy” protests within a 30-mile radius.
•  Bands played. I’d have a number, but I lost count.
• The Bayer float featured a real astronaut. Take THAT, floral Japanese Robonaut!
• The Mayor of Pasadena served as an ABC correspondent. Seems like he might have other things to do.
• There was a commercial for Winter Wipeout. I’m thinking this might be the best part of the parade.
• The Swedish Navy band played. Wait, what?

  

• The “Tribute to America” float passed by. It wasn’t as strong as the floats made by China, Germany, and India.
• Yet another band. The fourth drummer from the left looks like he’s passing a stone.
• A float of teddy bears in a plane. A striking resemblance to the cuddly lil airline industry.
• The Paramount Pictures float passed through. Pretty badass with the fireworks there. The commentators kept coughing from the fireworks. Well played, Paramount. Well played.

• The Salvation Army band played, all while fleecing spectators for change.

• They’re now pushing dogs on surfboards down a shaft of 6-inch deep water. This is why our nation is in trouble.
• Real quote: “Thank goodness for engineers. And thank goodness for surfing dogs.”
• The next float featured things flying wildly out of control. It’s called “A Tribute to America.”
• There’s a float depicting dreams that kids have about what profession they will take on as an adult. I hope the actor making minimum wage is having fun playing the astronaut he never became.
• Quote: “We look for a proper distance between the units.”

• Now, they’re showing a float from the California Clock Company. Because nothing says “we still exist” like a float.
• There’s a float commemorating the 30th anniversary of the discovery of AIDS. Way to be a downer, AIDS float.
• OK bands, I’m over you.
• The City of Los Angeles entered a float. Glad to know those parking ticket fees went to something worthwhile.

Well done, Rose Parade… once again, you have left me speechless.